bangsandwhimpers

bangsandwhimpers

Welcome to you , dearest reader

You have stumbled upon an almanac encompassing incredible, hilarious and dreadful dalliances spanning ten years and counting

Some are bangs, some are just whimpers: it’s all here in probably way too much detail

Pull up your chaise longue, extend your legs, take off your pants and mix a drink of your choice

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bangs and whimpers

  • The drainage guy

    He didn’t ask to do it every time he came over. Over the nine months or so I slept with him around 30 times which averages out around once a week. And he only asked a handful of those. I… more ›

  • The builder

    I never wrote about him at the time so this isn’t a “hot off the press conference” moment. It’s a while back, a different me. A sluttier one. He kept offering me money to see my boobs, the messages were… more ›

  • The sustainability consultant

    He’s come along at a great time. A wonderful distraction from the break-up and someone who is absolutely lovely to me. Did I mention he’s only 24? So when I see him outside the pub it’s a relief, not gonna… more ›

  • The Parliamentary dude

    It’s been well over a year, we only met twice but wow, I remember his keen puppy dog energy. He was sniffing around a few months back and I told him I was taken. Thankfully I kept his number. He… more ›

  • The Property tech guy

    It’s the second time we’ve slept together, the first was at mine. The first time felt like he wanted to get it over with, which is fine I guess if you haven’t gotten laid in a while. He was fun… more ›

  • The Roadie

    We chatted a bit a few months ago but honestly, I couldn’t be bothered to go meet someone at 10pm in a hotel, even though it was down the road. I know I know, past me would have been all… more ›

  • The Media executive.

    He’s Spanish and I keep peeking at his profile picture because he’s so good-looking. What the hell does he want with me? We chat for a few days on the app and move to WhatsApp. He’s away, I’m away –… more ›

  • The guest

    I haven’t seen him in two weeks, the last few times he’s bailed. I imagine him fucking his way across the country and ranking his conquests. It’s frustrating but I get it : he has to fuck according to which… more ›

  • The builder

    It is months since I have seen him after blocking him. He became needy and aggressive and I didn’t have the capacity to deal with it. Now it seems he has a new profile and a new offer to sleep… more ›

  • Tuesday afternoon

    He’s asked me to get out the toys for this visit. I don’t have much time so I only get a small selection of what I use and what I’d like him to use on me. It’s always interesting to… more ›