bangsandwhimpers

bangsandwhimpers

Welcome to you , dearest reader

You have stumbled upon an almanac encompassing incredible, hilarious and dreadful dalliances spanning ten years and counting

Some are bangs, some are just whimpers: it’s all here in probably way too much detail

Pull up your chaise longue, extend your legs, take off your pants and mix a drink of your choice

cumming next on

bangs and whimpers

  • 15-minute man

    It’s been 10 years my notes tell me. I don’t even know his real name. He texts out of the blue and I fob him off for a week but eventually succumb. I’m nervous. It’s been 10 years. His face… more ›

  • The Graduate

    He was way too young when we met, I was a staff member , he was a student. His arrogance was intoxicating- I was scared of him at first. He was larger than life both in physicality and voice. He… more ›

  • The Hedge Fund Manager / The VJ

    It’s about a month since I last heard from him. I know this because I cancelled on him because I had such bad period cramps. It’s a weird set of messages: HFM: “Hey” B&W: “hey who is this “ HFM:… more ›

  • HingeBumbleTinderFeeld

    It’s been two months since I got dumped in the street. I can’t write about it just yet as there as there was no sex. I kind of dealt with it and kind of didn’t as there was a whole… more ›

  • The property tech guy

    He’s invited me to his for dinner and an apology. After he bailed on our NYE plans I thought it was over and have already cried quite a lot. Embarrassingly more than I can ever remember over a man.  So… more ›

  • The drainage guy

    He didn’t ask to do it every time he came over. Over the nine months or so I slept with him around 30 times which averages out around once a week. And he only asked a handful of those. I… more ›

  • The builder

    I never wrote about him at the time so this isn’t a “hot off the press conference” moment. It’s a while back, a different me. A sluttier one. He kept offering me money to see my boobs, the messages were… more ›

  • The sustainability consultant

    He’s come along at a great time. A wonderful distraction from the break-up and someone who is absolutely lovely to me. Did I mention he’s only 24? So when I see him outside the pub it’s a relief, not gonna… more ›

  • The Parliamentary dude

    It’s been well over a year, we only met twice but wow, I remember his keen puppy dog energy. He was sniffing around a few months back and I told him I was taken. Thankfully I kept his number. He… more ›

  • The Property tech guy

    It’s the second time we’ve slept together, the first was at mine. The first time felt like he wanted to get it over with, which is fine I guess if you haven’t gotten laid in a while. He was fun… more ›