bangsandwhimpers

bangsandwhimpers

Welcome to you , dearest reader

You have stumbled upon an almanac encompassing incredible, hilarious and dreadful dalliances spanning ten years and counting

Some are bangs, some are just whimpers: it’s all here in probably way too much detail

Pull up your chaise longue, extend your legs, take off your pants and mix a drink of your choice

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bangs and whimpers

  • The client

    It was my very first nine to five job. A macho, mainly male environment; I was teased and taken the mickey out of constantly. I tried to give as good as I got but it was tough. I’d never even… more ›

  • The Anaesthetist

    He was the last guy I slept with before I got married. Only the once. I didn’t know that at the time, of course. Fascinating thing, hindsight. The bang itself wasn’t very memorable. The bit that’s stuck in my mind,… more ›

  • American Boy Part 2

    This time I met him outside his dorm room. It was a balmy night again and stupidly I’d worn wedge heels, not realising the merry dance we were going on. Yet again we embarked on a walking tour of Clerkenwell,… more ›

  • to the foundations

    We weren’t supposed to be fucking. but he invited me to a party out in the zones and I was going to be half way there anyway. Fuck it, I thought, I need to dance and I can take my… more ›

  • The Donkey

    He worked in the same building. Not for the same company but enough for it to be necessary to have some interaction with. I didn’t even realise he liked me until my boss said “He REALLY fancies you, you should… more ›

  • turned down

    I was standing outside the bank, on the phone, when he walked past. He said hello and I smiled and conveyed hello with my eyes as best I could without it looking like I had eye strain. He went into… more ›

  • Afternoon delight

    The text came while I was at the gym. I had gone for a workout because I was horny as hell and unlikely to get any relief in the way I wanted it. Or so I thought. I had met… more ›

  • The Drought

    I hadn’t had sex for over 18 months, the driest spell for me in living memory. I had even stopped wanking. It was like I had become asexual. To rectify this, I joined a dating website and added “casual sex”… more ›

  • On the couch

    I met him at a concert a few nights earlier, we were hot for each other but he’d disappeared early – he’d drunk too much and didn’t want to embarass himself. I was a bit glad. I was nervous after… more ›

  • American Boy Part 1

    He was young. Too young. Only in London for an exchange semester during the summer and hot to trot. We met the first time in a pub near Smithfields Market. He was late and got me to buy him a… more ›