bangsandwhimpers

It’s the only way I get to see him these days: order a cake. One day I’ll order one just for me. I won’t share it at all, it won’t be for someone else’s birthday. Maybe I’ll indulge one of… more ›

I’m reminding myself this is only the third time we’ve met. Him: dishevelled, hungover and chain smoking. Me: dressed like a slut and have got off the station at the wrong place. We’re both on good form as usual, so my… more ›

I’ve bunked off work between meetings : my boss is away and the weather is too good to be stuck in the office. It’s April but feels like July. Your flat isn’t too far from the station so it’s easy… more ›

I am on a date, but I don’t want to be. I want to be with HIM. The date is perfunctory: I feel guilty because I blew this guy out last week for the one I want to be with.… more ›

How many threesomes start with a roast dinner? Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding with gravy and all the trimmings in the pub? I’ll wager none, but here we are and that’s what she’s eating. But she’s hungover and blonde and has… more ›

I met him once, five years ago. We had one date, after I went to see him do stand up and found out his show wasn’t the truth. Yes, I’m gullible. We meet this time and instantly I’m quite shocked… more ›

Saturday afternoon on a week where I already have two notches on my bedpost. Yes, I’m greedy. Insatiable. But sometimes when it comes together like this, I can’t turn it down. Like buses. We stalk around each other like animals,… more ›

I’ve just come off my period and am ripe for some intimacy. My preferred partner is not available (let’s skim over the fact he hasn’t been for some months now) so I go with the next nearest, one who actually… more ›

His place is fashionably messy but stylish and feels comforting, unlike most lairs it doesn’t smell terrible. I meet his cat straight away and inwardly laugh at the last boy’s cat I met in the middle of the night that… more ›

We’ve already met once this week and tonight was the planned version. A private view of an artist I don’t know but a gallery I do. I know he loves art because I’ve stalked his Instagram. I arrive first and… more ›