He’s come along at a great time. A wonderful distraction from the break-up and someone who is absolutely lovely to me. Did I mention he’s only 24? So when I see him outside the pub it’s a relief, not gonna lie I thought he might bail. Like some of the others, I sometimes do the same if I don’t feel like it but much less frequently.

He’s cute, loads of fun, super easy to chat to and I can’t stop laughing. We quickly discover we have very religious relatives, discuss a practice amongst Christians called soaking and then I leap about 2 feet into the air as I’ve seen a mouse. We move inside and the chat gets fruitier as he tells me about a sex blog he reads and we try and select people from the bar we’d have a threesome with.

He asks if I want another drink and I ask him what he wants to happen next. He tells me he wants to walk me home and go back to mine. Oh wow, that’s damn hot. I need to use that line again.

I hadn’t expected anything as I’m at the difficult end of a period but have put in a Flex anyway and changed the bedsheets. So yeah, I’m down. So far we have just grabbed each other’s hands and flirted and touched a bit so definitely not friendzoned. He’s damn cute too.

Outside he asks if he can kiss me. Oh wow. The way he holds the small of my back as he does it is amazing. We dash for a bus and make for the back seat. We kiss again and my hand goes to his thigh, I realise he’s hard and I feel him through his trousers. Blimey, he did not lie about the size. We kiss on the back seat and as we get off, I pretend to fall into his lap on purpose. We are very quickly back to mine.

We clash bodies and kiss so hard my lips are sore for two days. Clothes are peeled off and abandoned, and he goes down on me almost immediately. Reader, this is elite oral. His hands and mouth explore and rub every part of me and it is too much to bear sometimes. My clit is hard and his tongue flicks it, then sometimes inside me. Wow.

I don’t want him to feel left out so I unpack his length and it sways deliciously before me. Ladies and gentlemen we got ourselves an incredible looking dick. It’s a real pleasure to put in my mouth and wrap my hands around. My mouth is full, he’s a thick boy. I play a little with his balls but his stalk throbs and my cunt aches.

I reach for condoms as I want him inside me, he tells me he brought large ones but they are downstairs. we do our best with what we have in my secret drawer and I ease on top of him slowly.

Oh Lord, he really is big. He says something about stretching me, which is hot and cringe at the same time. We giggle about soaking – the practice of not moving whilst having sex – but try it – and work out it’s actually really fucking hot. the Christians may be onto something.

I ride him for as long as I can until my legs are buckling. After trying several different positions, speeds and angles and thrusting my boobs in his face and mouth I dismount and for some reason hold his hand. he doesn’t pull it away. We chat for a while about random stuff and he is all over me again. He gets on top this time and wow, the energy he has is unreal. I marvel at his thighs and his stamina.

Neither of us have come at this point but it absolutely doesn’t matter as we’ve had so much fun. He has to leave before he turns into a pumpkin and we kiss again before I close the door.

And punch the air.