This guy was a type. The type that sends you #dickpics. The type that asks how naughty you are. The type that you meet on an Internet dating site. The type that you probably shouldn’t fuck at all.
Unbelievably it was a long “courtship” of around 6 months. We both clearly didn’t care enough to actually meet up. Dirty emails, #dickpics, a long metaphor and many puns about sailing later, I was on the way to his house. 
Yeah yeah I know, dangerous. I wanted an adventure that sunny Sunday – and I wanted it to start in my pants.

There was some urgency to the proceedings as he’d mentioned he needed to leave at 2.30pm. I must have got there just after 2. Sweating and flustered I tried to look normal and not like a mad woman. 
He answered the door as if I was an Avon caller or a Dominos delivery, but led me upstairs. His room was huge and goddamn stuffy. I asked if he could open the window as I wiped beads of perspiration from my face. 


I think he asked if I wanted some water so I was alone in his room: noted the computer screen with several messages to and from different women, the bills ready to be paid. Nothing about this was sexy. 
He had no charm, no talk, it was perfunctory and I couldn’t see how it was going to get hot. 
I think I said – I’ve never done this before – at which point he twisted me into a kiss. I’d love to say it felt awesome an sexy but it didn’t. 
Somehow our clothes fell off and there I was taking his – actually normal sized cock in my mouth.His pictures had made it look like a Land of the Giants beast. It wasn’t.


I was enjoying myself until the hand came on the back of my head pushing me harder to it. Something I pretty much despise. I pulled up. Stared him in the eye with my hand in my pants, wanting him to touch me there. 

Instead he went for my tits, greedily sucking on them and playing as if they were his. I grinded on him a little and longed for him to pay my cunt some attention. 
Lick my ass he said. 


Reader, I did.


He fucked me from behind, came quickly and that was it. I didn’t come, and as I checked the time realised the whole shebang had lasted around 15/20 minutes.
We shared some dreadful small talk about Scotland and off I went, for Sunday lunch at my favourite pub.

Sat at the bar, eating a roast dinner with the taste of his cock still on my lips.