Thursday 3pm

He was the very last guy I met on the swinging site, and has fucked me up the most. Because I think I’m in love with him.

But let’s push that aside for the moment and cut to Thursday afternoon. I’m supposed to be at work but my notice period allows for me to do whatever I want. So I’m at his for the first time in over a month.

He’s cooking me a late lunch and stressing about it. I’d eat a dry husk of bread and cheese if only to get back my bag of tricks. And maybe some sex. But I’ve started my period, so I’m wearing a flex. Just like the first time I met him.

As he’s cooking he spanks me on the butt with a wooden spoon then hits my breasts. It does the trick. He tells me my bra doesn’t look very supportive, I tell him damn right it’s a sexy one just for him.

We eat a bowl of chicken stir fry each, it’s not seasoned badly and I wolf it down. I ask if he has any satsumas and peel them and de-pith them. I stack them in a line on his chest for him to eat. I joke I’d make a good slave – he tells me he’s not into that.

We both finish eating and he paws at me like a lion. Soon he’s pulling at my skirt and I’m taking my tshirt off and I’m straddling him. My breasts are in his mouth and I feel like a woman again.

We get upstairs and lie on the bed. I’ve told him I’ve craved for him to go down on me so he does. But we have a time limit and I’m conscious of trying to come – fading between trying to and relaxing and enjoying the moment. He’s looking up at me, working my lips and clit with his tongue. I get an occasional brush from his stubble which is delicious and I try to move to get purchase. Meanwhile he’s licking his finger and teasing my ass. Then he lies on top of me and nuzzles my neck, somehow still flicking my clit. It’s the fine line between pain and pleasure again.

He sits up and that beautiful cock of his sways. He’s shaved more closely, and I marvel at its thickness. I reach for it, it stiffens at my touch and he asks me to wank him. I tell him I want to fuck. He says we don’t have time – which now I realise is him wanting to take time to do it not a quick fuck.

At the time I wanted him to fill me up. I wanted to feel his thighs against me, him inside me. I wanted to to the dance again and get into the old rhythm. I tell him to rub his cock over my pussy and tease it. That sends him over the edge, he’s spurting white loops of cum over my pussy. He does a few faces again and then leaps off me.

We both shower and then get into bed. We have 10 minutes before he has to pick up his kids and I scratch him in the places he likes. I hold his balls like a comforter.

Lying naked with him feels like I’ve won for a bit, and the shittiness of the week is further away. Feeling his warm limbs against mine is a delicious luxury I savour.

I dress quickly and he gives me a lift to the tube.


When I get home I check the contents of the bag. It’s months since I packed it – I take out the items one by one. A silk blindfold, stockings still in the packet, suspenders, a collar and lead and a pair of knickers. Lurking there is something else. Odd.

There’s a black silk balaclava too.

Exorcism III

It’s the day before Valentine’s Day. Too hard to avoid these days as most shops and brands throw it in your face and everywhere there are hearts and red roses. He’s asked me to stay over, but to date our liaisons have been so complicated I don’t even believe it’s going to happen until I’m walking there. All day I’ve expected the excuses or the letdown. I have done the lady-prep of course, and I’m wearing a matching set of underwear at least. But so jaded am I from this dance I’m in trainers and a low key-work dress.

On the walk from the station to his house he calls and asks me to buy ham. He’s making me crepes apparently. I get the ham, a banana and a can of G&T. Dear reader, you know I don’t need to drink to fuck but it sings to me on the shelf and I grab it.

I get to his – he’s in the same grey jumper and jeans as always. But his smile gets me every time and I hand over the ham and crack open the G&T. He tells me to make myself at home on the sofa and shows me his tidy lounge – albeit with a half-built moped at the end of the room.

Apparently we are now having shepherd’s pie – I don’t care as the crepes were from a packet anyway. He wants to watch the new Blade Runner, so we eat first and chat a little. Even though I’ve been here a couple of times I relax. I’m here after all and that is enough.

We start the film. I wasn’t really a fan of the first movie, considering it a guy thing. But Ryan Gosling is never unpleasant to look at. We last 20 minutes, and I’d love to say it was because he started to ravage me. His attention span goes and we switch to watching Amelie of all things. When the movie came out I was in the throes of a relationship which I thought was going to be my one and only. We even visited the cafe from the film in Paris and ordered something not knowing what it was – pot au feux – and struggled to eat it all.

It’s a romantic movie, FFS. I’d forgotten its unashamed joyfulness, its intricacies and how the plot unfolds. It is perhaps exactly what I needed. As we watch the occasional hand touches my arm or my breast and there is both playfulness and eroticism in these movements. I purposely don’t make a move. I’m still so conscious of the fact that he’s not got laid in years.

I need the loo so I go upstairs to the bathroom. He’s talking to me and I can’t hear so I shout that back. He comes up and opens the door, brandishing his cock in front of him. It’s too much for me to compute – trying to pee while being signalled to that he is ready now. I manage to finish and wipe, he wants to touch me now.

My memory is annoyingly hazy as to what happens next. I think I go to his room and sort my stuff out, with a view to donning stockings and suspenders for his pleasure. This doesn’t play out. We fool around on the bed and are very quickly naked. I admire his strong thighs and the way his thick cock perfectly sways. He asks if he can pee on me, seeing me on the loo has turned him on.

I’m totally game and almost leap into the bath. In a perfect replay of the last time I tried this with someone else – he’s too turned on to pee and tells me not to look at him. I look instead at the rolls of my stomach and giggle. A few drops come at first then after a long pause a shallow stream across my breasts. He’s frustrated with himself. My teeth chatter as I’m freezing so I ask if I can have a shower, as he seems to be done.

The shower starts cold, I shriek, he farts in shock and it’s all a far cry from what I wanted to happen. But there is always laughter to cover the embarrassment. And a dry towel.

We climb under the covers, rediscovering each other. He has smooth skin with very little hair. A bare chest. Shaved balls that feel good to cup in my hand. A back that needs to be scratched really hard. I recall thinking that this is all too quick but soon forget that as his cock is rubbing up against my pussy lips. We have a terrible debate about a condom and reader, SPOILER ALERT  I’m afraid I let him in without.

We take it very slowly and I fall in love with him a little more for that. There is no pump action from his hips – more careful, measured movements which get me very aroused. I grab his thighs, we flip over and I mount him now, totally in control.

He cries out in pain suddenly : ” I can feel your coil”. I jump off him. WTF? I know he’s big but he shouldn’t be able to. I take him in my mouth instead as he lies back on the pillow. He’s moaning now which sounds right. I feel him harden again, and we try again. This time he’s on top and I will forever obsess about his thighs and our limbs enmeshed in absolutely fucking each other.

And then he comes. He does a series of yelping faces and noises, which is ironic because I’ve always been told to be quiet at his place. It’s pretty close to a guy I fucked a couple of years ago who I likened to “The Scream” orgasm face.

And that’s it. Game over. I already know he can’t perform more than once a night, he’s told me countless times.

In the morning I realise I always walk away from his house disappointed, but wanting to come back for more.


Tuesday morning

He comes over early, before 9am. I’ve been getting ready for a while but as usual seem to have run out of time. Instead of greeting him in my unwoken state I need to shower and make the effort, given his journey. I’ve selected a Mimi Holliday shocking pink set of underwear with stockings and suspenders. I bought it to use with someone else but that’s another story.

I’ve barely time to make up when the door goes and he’s here. He prowls around a little and I lead him upstairs.

I sit on the bed waiting for him to finish in the bathroom. I would love to watch him pee but we’ve never talked about that. He’s pretty traditional.

He remarks on the underwear and I’m very pleased. He’s dressed casually but smartly in black. He starts by pulling one breast out of the bra and kissing my neck at the same time. I’m sat astride his leg and immediately he catches on why I’m rubbing into him so puts his hand between my legs. I push him down and kiss him, he’s grabbing my ass, tit, neck – anything he can. Sometimes I love to be manhandled by a pro.

He tells me to lie down and starts to probe between my legs – I tell him to push the knickers aside as I’ve not put them on last. They are trapped in a cage of suspenders. Damn.

We 69. He grabs my ass tight and moulds my pussy to his face. I can barely swallow his cock down and I’m super close to coming. But can’t quite make it.

We flip and I suck him, he’s self conscious because he tells me he’s shaved himself. I shrug, no big deal. I enjoy slurping and watching him. He pulls my head down to deep throat him. For him I really don’t object. I trust him.

He asks for a condom and we do the dance for a while. Even though we have all the time in the world something is stopping me from hitting my O. He can tell, but doesn’t mention it.

We flip again and I hang off the edge of the bed swallowing his cock; he pumps me from the side as I get pushed into the corner of the room; he fingers me after lubing me up (by this time I have become numb and dry) and various other totally horny manoeuvres.

We catch our breath and chat a bit. He’s still hard, neither of us have come yet. He strips off the condom.

The breather works though; just as I’m thinking about how I’ve lost the ability to orgasm with a guy completely, his fingers trace a path to my pussy again.

It’s like I’ve been reborn. I straddle him and rub his cock against the outside of my pussy, riding him but not riding him. Rubbing him.

Oh fuck.

I tell him I’m going to come.

And there I go. From no penetration at all, just dry humping with no clothes on.

I think the turn on is the no condom bit.

I have become something quite unique haven’t I?

Room 506

He’s in the lift again, this time in shorts and shirt, as if someone has just disturbed him getting undressed. We’re not alone on the journey up to his room so there is an awkward tension and I don’t say anything.

This time I take note of the room number. It’s a suite: fully equipped kitchen and dining table, lounge and adjoining bedroom. Dark grey and masculine. I toss off my coat and scarf over a chair and he pulls down the shorts exposing a swaying cock. I kneel and take it in my mouth. He had asked me to surprise him. I have nothing : my bag of tricks is at someone else’s house. So I do what I do best and arouse him even more with my mouth. Soon I am spread-legged on the chair with him licking my clit. His fingers smooth down his beard then tongue my intimate places. I grab on the arms and wonder why it’s so cold in here. I’m comfortably uncomfortable and feeling self conscious. We switch places and he sits in the chair. I try and sit on his cock but the arms are in the way. He pumps me from behind as I lean on it for a bit, then we move to the sofa. I fuck him there and feel nothing. Something isn’t quite right so we move to the bed.

I know already I’m not going to come. I’ve been masturbating too much alone recently. He comes fucking me from behind – there are shades where I am close but ultimately he has started to bore me.

I want him to be rougher, I want him to talk to me. I want him to be someone else.

He comes and immediately goes to the bathroom to pull off the condom. He asks me why it’s pink.

I blush and mumble that I may have started my period early. Then giggle and realise it’s my lipstick from around his cock.


I could lie there and wait for round 2, but I leap up and get dressed. I sometimes like to be used and exit the scene and this is one of those times. He doesn’t stop me or tell me to stay.


Around 24 hours prior he’s confessed he’s been seeing someone in his home town. I tell him the same, he’s surprised but I tell him it’s complicated. His news turns me on a little more. But the lack of orgasms worry me, the hotel visit alone used to be a turn on.