The Certified Electrician 

At the time of writing I have already seen him twice in one week. I have already met him in a public place for safety, shared a nervous drink with him and invited him back home with me. 

He is stocky but tall with a beard and tattoos. He has asked if he is my usual type – I guess he isn’t but there is something about him that has me already captivated. 

He is the first man in a very long time who is my age. Gasps from the audience. 

I wait for him to make the move of course – and it’s a delicious kiss. His beard is way softer than it looks and he doesn’t push the boundaries too far on my sofa. He doesn’t ever tell me what to do. 

The first time I ride him all night until my thighs are sore and we fall asleep together. And then again in the morning before work. I cannot walk properly for two days : between us at least five orgasms through tongue, face sitting and penetration. 

He is gentle and sensual and he skilfully removes any doubts I had about my prowess from my most recent partner. I lie in his arms and gaze at the tattoo of the Japanese mask emblazoned on his chest. We laugh a lot. We fucking giggle, reader. I feel weirdly at home with this dichotomy of a man who looks like he belongs in a hipster coffee bar but actually is the opposite. 

The second time I have chance to dress up a little more. My knickers are soaking, I have been horny all day craving him. This time he struggles to stay erect to penetrate me but his fingers more than make up for it. He uses a vibe on me until my insides ache: a very new experience for me on both counts. I experience an orgasm where I hallucinate a little it’s that intense. 

Oh he’s a keeper. 

Proverbs 26.11

That’s how the saying goes isn’t it? as a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly. I hate to go all biblical on you, dear reader – but needs must in desperate times. 

I had already had a bad day at work, the worst in ages. Nothing seemed to go right, so the promise of hot sex in the evening kept me going. 

He arrived around 10, climbing into bed with me, kissing and sucking my lips, then my breasts after carefully pulling them out of my bra. He was naked, me only half so and his erection was promising. I revelled in his touch, partly wrapping my legs around him and smelling his hair. I almost forget this guy means nothing to me in those few brief moments of pleasure. He nibbles on each nipple carefully, tenderly and I enjoy his attention for what seems like ages. I fondle his stiff cock, he tries to pull aside my knickers. 

“I can’t find the opening” he says. I’m surprised at this. Normally a guy would yank them down or pull them aside. 

I remove them and take off my dress. And then comes the weird part: he bashes his cock against my pussy, which actually feels divine. I mention condoms and he asks if he can put it in a little bit, promising he won’t come. Somehow I am already wet despite his rudimentary moves, so I slide on top of him. It feels incredible, but I’m not comfortable. I don’t know him well enough – has he been tested? What was his last relationship? 

I tell him I won’t fuck him without a condom. 

This is a big deal: me laying down the law. But instead of saddling up and getting on with it, he pushes me down to his cock, with the promise that he won’t come. “Please suck it a little bit, it’s been so long”. 

I oblige and within – ooh – 20 seconds he is unloading into my mouth. His penis throbs and spurts and I can taste his bitter seed pumping down my throat. 

He apologised for coming, telling me he normally wanks during the day but today he didn’t. 

I lie on my side facing away from him while he tells me about his car. I’m eye rolling to high heaven and wondering what to do next. I mean, I could nearly have come if we’d continued. Silly me. 


” Are you ready for round two?” he suddenly asks, chirpily. I mutter something about thinking he would want to leave. 

“Do you want me to leave”? He asks. 

“No, I didn’t realise you could go again.”

He pulls back the cover and I realise I have never seen his cock fully flaccid. I mean, it’s small but I’m no size queen anyway.

Jesus, who am I tonight? I wish I had the balls to kick him out. 

I start sucking and enjoy tasting myself on him. I enjoy the taste of him as well. But nothing is happening. He is embarrassed, but not experienced enough to know a girl can be pleasured in other ways.

I think about asking him if he would finger me, but realise I can’t be bothered. 

I feel nothing.

“There is another way I can help.” I state

“What’s that?”

“Prostate massage. Your cock would soon stand to attention.”

“Oh no, I have some stomach problems today.”

It’s the final nail in the coffin for me. Once he’s left I don’t even masturbate.