Guest Banger: @CharlieInThe

This week we have a fabulous, or perhaps not so fabulous guest post from the lovely @CharlieInThe who blogs over at

Sometimes it’s a bang, sometimes it’s a whimper. Unfortunately it’s the latter but we’ll let Charlie explain: 

A Teenage Whimper 
We met on POF and had been talking for a few days. He seemed like a sweet guy and we had good banter (oh I do hate that word but I can’t think of a more suitable one to use). My housemate was away for the night and when he suggested coming round mine I was nervous as usual but as I’ve been so horny lately and need to do more spontaneous things that challenge my anxiety I said yes to him coming over. He arrived at about 1am, stepping in from the cold he kissed me immediately. He was a good kisser, breaking apart I look at him properly. He looked a little different from his pictures, a little less attractive but then who doesn’t look less attractive from their pictures on an online dating website?
We take a seat on the sofa and chat for a bit. Then we are kissing again, his hands under my top caressing my breasts. He pulls my top over my head and attempts to undo my bra with fumbling hands, he doesn’t succeed and goes back to fondling my breasts. I peel his jacket off his shoulders and he has another failed attempt at taking off my bra. I decided to give him a hand and remove it myself, his mouth goes straight to a nipple, I straddle him on the sofa giving him easier access to both my breasts, I can feel myself getting wetter and wetter. As he starts to struggle with the belt on my jeans I suggest we move upstairs to the bedroom and that’s when things went down hill.
As soon as we are in the bedroom my jeans and knickers are removed. I lay down on the bed with him next to me. We are kissing and his hand moves down to my pussy, does he start with slowing teasing my clit and gently slipping a finger inside me? No, he goes straight in with two fingers and fucks me with them very fast and hard, it’s close to painful and not particularly enjoyable, his other hand is squeezing my breasts, pulling hard at my nipples. I tell him to slow his hand down, he smiles at me, removes his fingers from my pussy moving them to my clit and continued with as ferocious speed. This other hand is now on the base of my neck pressing down very hard. I like it rough but I am not into strangling and it hurts so I grab his hand and move it down to my breast where he squeezes like it was a stress ball. Again I ask him to slow down his assault on my clit, I like to be rubbed hard but I need variations in speed to get me even close to an orgasm, I even grab his arm to try and slow him down but it didn’t, then he would slap my pussy, hard. He didn’t ask me if I liked that he just did it.
I always thought men find it sexy to be with a women who knows exactly how she wants to be touched and who isn’t afraid to voice it. You know what isn’t sexy? A man not listening to what the women says and showing no desire to get her off exactly how she needs. Anyway on with the story.
Getting bored I decide to move things forward, I sit up and push him down on the bed straddling him once again. His jeans are still on so I kiss my way down his chest and start unbuttoning his fly pulling his jeans off. Next it’s time to remove his boxers, slowly pulling them down I get a shock and it isn’t a good one. He has a very small penis. 
Now I think to myself don’t be disappointed, size isn’t everything. I do love the aesthetics of a big penis but as I’m pretty tight they can sometimes be overwhelming so I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
I take his cock in my mouth, sucking and licking him, one hand around the base. I can take nearly all of it in my mouth. His hands move to my head, forcing me further down on his cock almost making me gag. 
I like hands on my head guiding me while giving head, I do not like being forced to choke on a guys cock! 
Again getting a little bored I think it’s time for us to actually fuck, I move up his body, kissing my way up to his lips. While kissing he slaps my arse, again and again. I ask if he has a condom, he says no as he tries to push his cock inside me. I jump off the bed, grab a condom from a box in my wardrobe, unwrap it and roll it down his cock. As I do this he tells me how he hates condoms, they don’t agree with his cock, making him lose his hardness. 
Just what a girl wants to hear!
We move into missionary position and his fingers are in my pussy again being just as rough as before. What happens next baffles me, he starts to thrust against me, his penis slipping inside me for about 10 seconds, as it slips back out he doesn’t try to replace it he just keeps thrusting harder, now I don’t know if he thought his penis was inside me or what. I try to guide his cock back inside me but he’s thrusting so fast I have no joy. He seemed to be enjoying it, I however was not. I especially didn’t enjoy it when his penis, accidentally I think, entered my arsehole. It hurt like nothing I have ever felt before and that was when I knew I was done. I grabbed his penis and wanked him to orgasm, with him cumming on my stomach. We chat for a bit and then he leaves. I think this is the only I’ve had sex with a guy and haven’t wanted to hear from him the next day.
I called this post a teenage fuck because that is exactly what it reminded me of. Having sex with what I hope is just an inexperienced man who thinks he knows what a girl needs but isn’t willing to listen and adapt his “moves” to make sure she enjoys it as much as he does. 
This sex was a whimper and definitely not the sort of sex a 28 year old women should be having.

The DJ

I had decided a new strategy at this point in my life – date men that I wasn’t physically attracted to. The last date was an American who had lied about his job and age. Still I ploughed on. 

This one was around the same age as me and seemed interesting, given his employment: I always had a thing for DJ’s. 

We met on a Saturday at noon, a beautiful spring day unusually warm and sunny for the time of year. 

He was sitting outside the coffee shop with sunglasses and a cagoule. My heart sank straightaway. His hair was straggly and dirty, I could smell as we embraced – which lasted too long for my liking. 

We made small talk and found a table at the restaurant next door. It was brunch time and I ordered accordingly. For some reason he decided on a sticky toffee pudding, eating it seductively. 

My plan was to exit as soon as it was polite to do so: I had a back up plan anyway and story to support. 

I tried to like him. I really did. But he never took his sunglasses off. 
We finished the food and he suggested we go for a walk. I led him to a historic house nearby which I’d visited before – a series of herb gardens and greenhouses open to the public and pretty busy given the gorgeous weather. We sat down on a bench and watched people go by. 

It was then he started to grope me. His hand went up my skirt quick as a flash. 

Of course I stopped him, we were in broad daylight and there were people around. 

He would not leave me alone though, suggesting we fuck in the bushes. “Do you have a condom” he asked. 

Reader, I did not. 

The compliments came quick and fast, my dress, my legs. He even groped at my tits. I felt my knickers twitch with my cunt. 

This awful man was getting me wet. 

I let him kiss me, but his beard also smelt and he couldn’t kiss properly. His tongue tried to probe my mouth so I pulled away. 

I explained I had to get back to meet a friend, we got up and traced our steps back through the lavender. 

Here he grabbed my ass, just as people were passing us so I couldn’t say anything. I was split between feeling disgusting and incredibly turned on. 
I said goodbye to him and dashed home to fuck my regular boy. So in a weird sort of way he acted as foreplay. 

The Banking Analyst, again. 

I had decided he was the perfect fuck buddy. We had to arrange a definitive date because he had a kid. No funny business, and I wasn’t in love with him. Except he asks to stay the night this time. 

I’m wearing a basque and not much else. He arrives at the door and is immediately all over me. He tastes of cooking and some kind of alcohol. He pins me against the wall, his coat and backpack still on. He pulls up the basque to see the suspenders and groans, his fingers tracing the lace around my knickers. His backpack falls off. 
He follows me upstairs and I take off my top. He grunts and curses in French, kissing me hard, squeezing my ass and taking off his coat. I sit on the bed and his fingers pull aside my knickers. “Are you wet enough?” He asks as his fingers probe at my clit and then his lips. I lie back and stretch my legs around his shoulders. His hands reach for my tits, they spill out of the top of the basque. I had forgotten how smooth and soft his skin is, how taut his arms are and how easily they manoeuvre me. 
We change positions and he thrusts his cock into my mouth while fingering my pussy, slapping his palm as he does. The scenario is so damn hot – I’m riding his fingers while sucking on his dick, his other hand squeezing and flicking my nipple. I’m watching it like I’m in a porn film goddammit. Before I know it, I’ve come all over his hand. I couldn’t help it, it felt so good. 
And instantly I’m bored. I’m sated, and I’ve lost interest in this man who exclaims in oohs and aahs. He smells of onions and oh fuck he’s staying tonight. 
I snap out of it and slide onto his cock. We start grinding but something is wrong. My knickers are still on. I take them off and climb back on. Much better. He licks and squeezes my nipples, tells me to sit on his face. I refuse of course. I cannot let his cock out of me. 
We ride until both of us need a break. He’s covered in sweat and I am pretty hot too. We lie side by side and take a breather. And then I watch his hand lazily stroke his cock, removing the condom. I’m always fascinated to watch a guy wank. But then too keen to swallow it and help him out. 
I deep throat him, tears rolling down my cheeks. “J’adore. J’ADORE” he shouts and thrusts into my mouth, his hand gripping the base of his cock. I’m at the right angle to taste nothing, his cum goes straight down my throat. He apologises for coming so quickly. 

He comes four times to my once : the second time from me giving him a fierce hand job assisted by lube; his cum rolling across my wrist in rivulets. The final time we’ve been fucking for so long he needs a rest; within seconds he is spurting like a fountain into the air. 
He’s been on a family holiday for a week with very little time to himself : I guess I have coaxed it out of him. In his words : ” you drained me. ”
I switch off lights, get us a glass of water each. I settle into my side of the bed, facing away from him, knowing we won’t be falling asleep in each others arms. I’ve been here before. 
But although the lights are off, his hands wander and soon he is pushing against me with that beautiful erection of his. What’s a girl to do?