We asked one of our favourite sex bloggers @CavaSupernova to guest blog for us, seeing as we have quite the crush on her. Here she is on “general pervery” as she puts it.
Three ways to guarantee fun times with a bad girl
Pervy single girls are in high demand. Due to their rarity value, liberated women with a wild side get tons of come-ons, but just like cable TV, 99% of the offers received are complete garbage. Bangs & Whimpers will back me up on this, I’m sure.
Most rubbish messages are from crude, self-entitled idiots. But some are from potentially fun folk who’re just a bit misinformed. I don’t answer these either, though. I haven’t the time (or the inclination, If I’m honest. Google is your friend, wannabe pervs. Do your research).
Even worse than the “message numpties” are the people who seem normal and considerate, and then turn out to be total maniacs when you meet up with them. They’re rare, but they’re out there, ready to give you the worst evening of your life, if you give them the opportunity.
Are you of sound mind and looking for interesting encounters with deviant women? I’ve written an extensive guide to getting that kind of fun online on my blog.
In the interests of being helpful though, here are three additional things to consider when contacting / interacting with girls like me, and B+W. Assuming you’re not a Broadmoor-worthy mentalist, and you have your own teeth and hair, read these, take them on board and get in touch:
Men: Don’t assume she takes it up the arse
Guys, why do so many of you assume this? Why? Why? Why? Actually, I don’t want to know why, I just want you to stop it.
People who read my profile will find out instantly that I like (as in LOVE) submissive men who are into pegging. Blokes, I want you masturbating like a zoo monkey* while I take you up the arse with a fake cock slathered in silky lube. And then I want you thanking me with grateful tears in your eyes afterwards.
Do I want you returning the favour? No chance. Obviously, not all strumpets are into men who are submissive and/or enjoy pegging. But equally, not all strumpets are into anal. You might assume they are because of the type of porn you watch, but that assumption just makes you a bit of an idiot.
Some women enjoy backdoor sex, and some don’t. Don’t assume that pervy women do ‘because that’s what they’re like’. It makes them cross and it’ll make them block you.
Finding out is simple; read the profile. If their preference isn’t spelled out and it’s that important to you, then ask (politely, obv).
Just don’t assume. Thank you.
*Awesome phrase stolen from Blowjob Confessional
Women: Don’t assume she knows how to go down on you
Vulvas are weird.
They’re great, but simultaneously terrifying. If your punani just lies there, inert and unresponsive, and splodged out like a deflated balloon, I’ll do my best with it, but I’m sure as hell not going to guarantee you’ll enjoy it.
And you know that bit where I ask you what you actually enjoy in that respect? That’s the bit where I appreciate an answer, rather than a load of eye rolling and tutting. (This actually happened. It was fucking mortifying)
One of the biggest assumptions going is that girls magically know what girls like and blokes know what blokes like. Not so.
Guys have different ideas of a great blow job, while women up the difficulty factor by throwing other ‘variables’ into the mix. Lady bits have uneven sensory nerve distribution, so what sends me to orgasm heaven is just as likely to leave you cold.
And then there’s the matter of anatomy – are you an innie or an out-ey? I’m an innie, so I’ve an idea what to do with them. I’m not so great with out-eys – I need direction. Add to the fact that some chicks like G spot stimulation too, others want a finger up their arse or maybe a butt plug, while others enjoy extra stimulation from the buzzing implements in their toybox, and
others prefer different configurations of all of the above… That being the case, how should I know what you like?
Talk to me! Please! Or at least equip me with a story, blog, or clip of the stuff you find hot. That’s a nice, simple, non-verbal way of communicating what you want without having to say it in actual, embarrassing words.
Couples: Don’t assume she’s an on-demand fucktoy.
Or that she knows what she’s doing (there’s a theme developing here, right?) Deviant chicks are not puppies. Ladies, if you “want to give my man a surprise for his birthday” don’t contact me, go to Pets At Home. There, you’ll find a cute, adorable creature delighted to frisk about with you and birthday boy – and at least this one won’t trigger a diplomatic incident when you see how much he likes stroking it.
OK, sounds facetious, but you MUST think about potential jealousy issues before you try stuff like this. A hell of a lot of people
don’t, then get the hump when they find out they’re starting to feel uncomfortable.
PS: If you do give this some thought, don’t issue directives at the third in the manner of an angry prison officer.
(“You will pleasure me but you will not be able to touch my boyfriend,” was one ‘charming’ message.)
You’ll just get blocked.
What’s the other problem with the puppy/birthday present thing? You’re imposing your fantasy, something that gets you hot, on someone you don’t even know. If that’s all you care about, fine. But you’ll get very few answers, if any.
If you have a highly specific fantasy in mind, take the emotion and time-consuming searching out of it and hire a professional with a threesome experience. There are plenty out there, and you’ll have a much smoother time of it with them, than you would with some stroppy third who’s slumped there with a face like a smacked arse and necking all your Bombay Sapphire because her needs aren’t being considered.
Not that I’ve ever been in that position, of course, I’m way too good a judge of character. Possibly.
Additionally, beginners, if you want someone to show you the ropes, replies will also be thin on the ground. Chicks like me don’t exist to offer tutorials; we want some fun too. I’ve even put “I’m a beginner” in my profile because I got sick of hassle from rookies who couldn’t be arsed to work out what they wanted.
If you’ve no idea what you want, get on Literotica or any number of porn sites, or Google stuff like “erotic threesome stories”. There’s no shortage of interesting ideas out there.
Here’s a blog post about a wicked threesome I had a few months back
It might give you some super-hot ideas, or it might leave you cold. Whether you love it or hate it, though, it proves the need to research what you might enjoy first.
In short, a threesome is about THREE adult humans exploring their fantasies together, and it goes right, it’s so worth the effort, trust me.
PS: Here’s a super-useful tip for single girls who end up staying over. Make sure the wife / girlfriend sleeps in between you and her other half. That way, there’s no chance of any latent jealousy issues occurring, or the husband rolling over in the night and accidentally grabbing you because he thinks you’re his missus. Etiquette matters, right? 😉
Thanks for reading, and thanks so much to the fabulous B+W for asking me to guest post.
I hope this has been helpful. Share your thoughts about online hook-ups in the Comments section, and if this has inspired you in any way, see you on the dark side.
For more deviant, irresponsible filth, check out my blog: